Archives for posts with tag: positive thinking

Yesterday I was on my way out the door traveling to Nashville to witness the nuptials of my friend Holleh when I received devastating news: my boyfriend broke up with me. To say I was caught off guard is an understatement. I couldn’t believe the words. After dealing with my upset stomach, I drove 175 miles in silence trying hard not to think about anything.

The wedding was beautiful. So much love and joy and excitement. I sat there surrounded by friends all brought together to support this glorious union and it just felt like I wrapped in love.

I won’t go into the details of our relationship or breakup but he didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t treat me poorly or betray me. He’s actually the first relationship that didn’t end in fire and brimstone. And while my heart hurts, it feels like an elephant has his foot on my chest, I am surprisingly okay.  The wedding for me wasn’t a distraction from my pain but a bit of healing and a reminder of what I want for myself.

What’s next for me?  I have no idea but I am confident that my time will come. Better not bitter.

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We’ve all been through bad experiences you can choose to let the past hold you back. Or you can use it as motivation to move forward. Let your past make you better,  not bitter.

Dr Seuss Wisdom

It is okay to not know what is coming. You cannot be in control of all things. Enjoy the adventure and know that you are prepared to handle what lies in front of you. Climb the mountain and see what awaits for you on the other side. (Unless it’s Mordor, don’t go there unless you are with the fellowship of the ring)

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Yesterday was plain awful. (You can say that again) Yesterday was plain awful,  but that’s not now that’s then.

I purpose to have a good day today. I leave behind the hurt,  struggles and toils of yesterday. I greet today with the joy of a fresh start.

Every morning when I wake up and several times throughout the day I have to actively address my outlook. I wear a happy mask most of the time,  but that doesn’t accurately describe the way I feel. As of late I feel terrible. You should read the messages I send to my BFF. It is sometimes a minute by minute struggle for me to maintain a positive attitude.  This isn’t about denying your struggles and stressors in life,  but choosing not to constantly dwell on them. To look at a situation and say this can really go either way but I’m not going to focus on what to do if it goes wrong. I am going to enjoy the moment I am in now and let go of the worry. 
Here are today’s tips on staying positive:
1. A good bitch session. Get it out,  all of it. Every hurt feeling,  spirit of doubt,  hostile emotion. Get them out and let them go.
2. Count your blessings. It may seem cliche but it really works. Think of all the things that are going right and be thankful for them.
3. Do something good for someone else. I get an amazing feeling when I am able to help someone in need. It can be as simple as paying for coffee for the person behind you in line.
4. Mute yourself. I cannot interact with my stressors every day,  I am not a super hero. It is okay to say “No,  I’m not dealing with this today.”
5. Exercise. Exercise really is the most underutilized antidepressant. Take a long walk during your lunch break. Or go for a jog after work. The physical activity is good for the body and it helps clear the mind.

Positivity is a choice.  It is more than just putting on a fake smile. It is making an intentional effort despite the circumstances to be positive.

This morning was a horrible morning. I couldn’t sleep last night, I woke up late, I had a headache, my hair refused to behave, we were caught in a torrential downpour, my clothes were soaked, my son was late for school, I was late for work, there was ridiculous traffic on the highway… by the time I got to work I wanted to call in and go back home.

But instead of having a meltdown I put out a request. I posted a fb status saying that I was having a rough morning and asked everyone to comment with cute or funny pictures, jokes, positive messages, or encouraging words. Of course my friends did not disappoint and my status was quickly filled with comments. This definitely helped lighten my mood and forget about the havoc of the morning.

I could have easily took the misfortune of my morning and let it spoil my whole day. I could have voiced my tale of whoa and through a decent pity party. But instead I chose to shed those feelings and request the assistance of reasons to smile, to laugh and to be positive.  That level of positivity is infectious.

I believe in miracles. I believe in magic and fairytales. It is my choice to believe in spite of my experiences that dreams do come true.  I see them happening all around me. So many of my friends are falling in love, getting married, having babies… I remember that level of happiness.

I have a special place in my heart for fall weddings. I was married in the fall. Oddly enough we separated a few weeks from our wedding anniversary. And while my marriage was a mess and my divorce hurtful, I still believe in marriage. To the right person, that is the key. The saying goes: you can be bitter or you can be better. I want to be better.

I look at all the love in the world as proof that it can happen to me. Again. I am positive about these things.

Come back soon.

My mother sent me a  message on Friday: What did you do good for yourself today?

I didn’t really understand the question. I told her about my pretty crappy day and the few glimmers of sunshine that I saw.

She told me I was going about things all wrong.   What had I done for myself that relaxed my body, informed my mind and nourished my soul?  The answer was: nothing.

She went on to say: It is imperative that you remember to do something nice for yourself daily as a reminder of your self worth.

I realized that I had spent the day responding or reacting to what happened and sorting through my feelings about it. I had not done anything to make myself feel good. Point taken.

I already had a trip planned to go out of town.  I needed this weekend to getaway in the worst way and I planned for it to make sure it went off successfully.  I visited one of my closest friends, Mon. Mon has been a really safe place for me and I her.   Together we are able to love and encourage and lament and bitch and drink and laugh and put forth positive plan of action for ourselves and for each other.  I ate all my favorite foods. We went into a gluten coma at the deed of delicious pastries, flirted with hypertension as we gnawed on ribs, developed a strong case of the itis from the fish fry and paid our livers overtime processing St Germain + vodka cocktails cuz we are so fancy.

Spending time with Mon + the support of her family reminded me of my time back home.  There is no reason for me to suffer alone. I have no intention in earning martyrdom.  I am not afraid to voice my shortcomings outloud, we all have them.  I am not infallible.  I can identify an unwinnable situation and chose whether I want to play.  And most of all I can always pick up my toys and go home.  Retreat is not defeat.

If you have been following my journey we ate the bag of carrots raw, lmao. No fancy recipes just literally vegged out on the couch with carrots and homemade kombucha.

I don’t feel happy today. I wanted a do-over from the moment I woke up. To treat myself this week I am going out of town escaping real life for a couple days.

1. I am happy I have a safe place to run to,  people who care about me and want to see me well. I am going to unplug but will do a few check-ins so folks know I am okay.

2. I am increasing my job knowledge. I’ve conquered IP subnets,  hooray for me. Next week I have some challenges coming up and I am excited about it. I am determined to swim,  no sinking allowed.

3. I scored a giant 3 lb bag of carrots from work. I don’t know what I am going to do with them but I will enjoy looking for recipes. Mashed,  glazed,  roasted,  candied… I’ll post a picture on IG of what we come up with.

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*deep sigh* Today was actually a horrible day for me. I tried to smile through it but it was just one wrong turn after another. I’m going to eat a bowl of cereal and go to bed. Yeah one of those days.  But first to find something positive.

Other than the fact that I still among the living I don’t have much to be thankful for. But I got some great news from my friends so I’m going to share their joy.

1. My home girl has a new boo and is totally smitten. She’s a great gal and I am so happy for her.

2. My boy Wordz got his first royalty check from his book. I am so proud of him. You can buy his poetry book on Amazon,  its called The Sound of Falling Things: Broken Pieces.

3. My trainer Katie got engaged to her boyfriend while on vacation to Jamaica.

I celebrate other people’s happiness even if I’m in the dumps. I want everyone to prosper in life and in love.